hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
