That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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