And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
