I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
