Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
