i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize