I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize