Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize