i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
