absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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