I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize