i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
