Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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