I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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