Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
