It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
