I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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