I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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