Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
