Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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