I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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