I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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