dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
