garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize