While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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