You're my little dorito
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
