so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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