I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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