Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
