Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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