Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
