I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
