I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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