did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
