yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
