u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize