lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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