I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
