Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
