apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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