is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The maid of honor just puked.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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