there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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