I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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