I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
