Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
