Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
