So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
