so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
