you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love having hate sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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