Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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