dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
