my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
