Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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