Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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