Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
