He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
