My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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