i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Randomize
