Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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