if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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