the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
