You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
