He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just tell him i said nine months
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
