Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
