I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
