You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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