Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
a search helicopter?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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