guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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