is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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