Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
