she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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