I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
