obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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