I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
