I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
