Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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