Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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