It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
