I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
