if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
