Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
