porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize