Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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