it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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