Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
