Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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