I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
