U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
