Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
