I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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