you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
