She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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