So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
