can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so let's talk penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
