I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize