Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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