moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize