I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
