I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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